September 16th our Simply Self Aware topic was on Anger. So much to be said about this subject that we ran right out of time. I’m grateful to Esme Hawkes for not only suggesting this topic but for leading on it too.
Esme took us through some insightful ideas from the book, The *Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. Although published in 1990 excerpts and ideas still felt fresh and relevant for today.
“A lot of energy behind anger - it hides something.” ‘The Bodyguard of Sadness’.
It was felt that Anger is one of the Big Emotions that impacts others in a way that perhaps other emotions don’t.
We heard there are different types of responses in a conflict situation. eg the Distancer - more DIY than help-seeker, often labelled as emotionally unavailable. If a relationship problem seems to difficult to resolve - chop it off!
Pursuer - not able to leave the situation alone. Hounding for a resolution. Wants it all to be better.
We heard an example of Over functioning and Under functioning, Over being common in a firstborn, Under in the youngest. (Ask Esme about Jane, Steph, the German Shepherd and the Vet!)
In conflict situations, we know that the initial response is physical. Our Prehistoric or Chimp brain feels it (literally) as a threat. Not a hairy mammoth - but the response is the same - a need for Fight Flight or Freeze.
So pausing without re-acting can give that cortisol flood time to subside as well as an opportunity to consider what’s really going on.
A great quote, “we often march off to battle without knowing what the war’s about.”
Towards the end of the session we looked at things to consider when anger and conflicts arise:
Look to see where you’re personally responsible
Try to communicate your needs - instead of “you never listen!” try “I don’t feel heard”. Making ‘I’ statements rather than ‘You’ statements is far less inflammatory.
Sometimes people don’t adapt well to us changing the steps of the *Dance and may try to coerce us back into the ‘old’ dance routine.
We considered that different people put different values/emphasis on ‘what is showing love’. For one it may be vacuuming for the other it’s romantic gestures...(you can see how that could end in tears..!)
We were told about Askers vs Guessers.
Askers - a typical example - Public School background - direct/assertive.
Guessers - middle class stereotypical British - “will it be okay to ask..😬?”
And there...the clock beat us! I’m delighted to say that Esme has agreed to at least start off Anger Part 2 for us on Wednesday September 30th. Even if you missed Part 1 there will be much to be gained from joining us for Part 2.
Coming up soon - Simply Self Aware's online September Special. After almost half a year in lockdown, Im pretty sure that there's plenty to talk about. Bring it all - the gratitude, the grumbles, the growths...all are welcome.
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybcmbdb/
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybcmbdb/
Its summer. So what could be better than a Summer Get Together. Come and join us next Wednesday August 5th for our Simply Self Aware session: August Summer Special. Details below.
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybclbhb/
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybclbhb/
Not long until our next session of Simply Self Aware: Language of Second Chances.
Wednesday July 22nd from 7pm. Details below. Looking forward to meeting you there.
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybclbhb/
Wednesday July 22nd from 7pm. Details below. Looking forward to meeting you there.
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybclbhb/
Click here tSimply Self Aware session July 8th:
Affirmations for Self Esteem
We had a fair turnout online last night with plenty of energy zooming round the screen. It was good to greet another newcomer, a welcome addition to the growing group. Combining the topics of Self Esteem and Affirmations meant there was quite a bit to talk about.
We wondered about Self Esteem and, through discussion, found some satisfactory definitions for it.
Next we heard about Affirmations - what they are, why they might work and how we might go about creating personalised affirmations of our own.
We agreed that affirmations can mean much more than just the written word or images on a board and that there were many ways in which affirmations can be created and put to use.
Although it might seem that a natural progression would be to spend part of a future session creating affirmations of our own - and this was put forward towards the end - feedback following the session indicated something else. Valid points were made, eg that creating ‘crafts’ is always more enjoyable when done in a physical group, rather than on one’s own. Not everyone is in to ‘craftiness’ - it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea!
Added to which, we had some great suggestions for future topics that grabbed attention from the group: Coping with Change, Anger, Defining the Dependencies.Expanding on the theme of affirmations, the next session on Wednesday July 22nd will be The Language of Second Chances - a workshop about connection not correction, expansion not limitation. The idea came from discussions around the perceived lack and loss that so many have experienced both during and as a result of the lengthy UK lockdown. Loss emanates anxiety, trauma and bereavement. Let’s talk at what we can control in the present rather than what we could not in the past.
Advance notice of summer dates. There will be a session as usual on Wednesday August 5th but no session on Wednesday August 19th
Affirmations for Self Esteem
We had a fair turnout online last night with plenty of energy zooming round the screen. It was good to greet another newcomer, a welcome addition to the growing group. Combining the topics of Self Esteem and Affirmations meant there was quite a bit to talk about.
We wondered about Self Esteem and, through discussion, found some satisfactory definitions for it.
Next we heard about Affirmations - what they are, why they might work and how we might go about creating personalised affirmations of our own.
We agreed that affirmations can mean much more than just the written word or images on a board and that there were many ways in which affirmations can be created and put to use.
Although it might seem that a natural progression would be to spend part of a future session creating affirmations of our own - and this was put forward towards the end - feedback following the session indicated something else. Valid points were made, eg that creating ‘crafts’ is always more enjoyable when done in a physical group, rather than on one’s own. Not everyone is in to ‘craftiness’ - it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea!
Added to which, we had some great suggestions for future topics that grabbed attention from the group: Coping with Change, Anger, Defining the Dependencies.Expanding on the theme of affirmations, the next session on Wednesday July 22nd will be The Language of Second Chances - a workshop about connection not correction, expansion not limitation. The idea came from discussions around the perceived lack and loss that so many have experienced both during and as a result of the lengthy UK lockdown. Loss emanates anxiety, trauma and bereavement. Let’s talk at what we can control in the present rather than what we could not in the past.
Advance notice of summer dates. There will be a session as usual on Wednesday August 5th but no session on Wednesday August 19th
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-ftPobvtE/events/xgbtlrybckblb/Affirmations for self-esteem
People ask if using affirmations works. I say, in my experience, negative affirmations certainly did: Pride comes before a fall, You only get one bite of the cherry, You’ll come to nothing - that sort of thing. They all contributed to lowered expectations and a generally fearful outlook. So why wouldn’t upbeat statements, only with the opposite outcomes?
In this session, together, we will find a definition for Self Esteem. Next, we’ll consider affirmations as an effective tool to move us from limiting self-talk and self-beliefs towards a more supportive and realistic view of ourselves.
Hopefully, members will have found time to identify areas of esteem that they feel would benefit from a little lift. This will give each of us a focus for planning and creating personalised affirmations for ourselves.
In the unlikely event that we will have time to start in making these, do bring some materials ‘to the screen’. Card or stiff paper, plain or coloured, scissors, glue, tape, stickers, felt tips, marker pens, pens, pencils etc
Failing which, we can make the next session an online workshop for making them.
People ask if using affirmations works. I say, in my experience, negative affirmations certainly did: Pride comes before a fall, You only get one bite of the cherry, You’ll come to nothing - that sort of thing. They all contributed to lowered expectations and a generally fearful outlook. So why wouldn’t upbeat statements, only with the opposite outcomes?
In this session, together, we will find a definition for Self Esteem. Next, we’ll consider affirmations as an effective tool to move us from limiting self-talk and self-beliefs towards a more supportive and realistic view of ourselves.
Hopefully, members will have found time to identify areas of esteem that they feel would benefit from a little lift. This will give each of us a focus for planning and creating personalised affirmations for ourselves.
In the unlikely event that we will have time to start in making these, do bring some materials ‘to the screen’. Card or stiff paper, plain or coloured, scissors, glue, tape, stickers, felt tips, marker pens, pens, pencils etc
Failing which, we can make the next session an online workshop for making them.
Unentangling Empathy - 24 June 2020
I'm delighted that Rob, one of our most enthusiastic members is going to share with us on the topic of Empathy.
A group discussion examining empathy; how it makes us, how it affects our lives, the pros and the cons, ending with a empathy related meditation.
Please take time to check out some or allow these links, in preparation for the session.
https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3csz1v4
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/what-is-empathy/id1172855980?i=1000461492273
https://youtu.be/YVCwjjT_CVY
ONLINE ONLY.
This is an online event - not at our usual venue in Hall Green. This will give more of you the opportunity to join in, share tools or pick up news ones to add to your kit.
£6.50
Payment to be made via BACS (please contact me for details)
Just text me with your name and the Wednesday Session you’re booking for. Once I’ve received your payment, I can send you the link for the webinar.
Caroline 07970213397
Attendees (4)
I'm delighted that Rob, one of our most enthusiastic members is going to share with us on the topic of Empathy.
A group discussion examining empathy; how it makes us, how it affects our lives, the pros and the cons, ending with a empathy related meditation.
Please take time to check out some or allow these links, in preparation for the session.
https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3csz1v4
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/what-is-empathy/id1172855980?i=1000461492273
https://youtu.be/YVCwjjT_CVY
ONLINE ONLY.
This is an online event - not at our usual venue in Hall Green. This will give more of you the opportunity to join in, share tools or pick up news ones to add to your kit.
£6.50
Payment to be made via BACS (please contact me for details)
Just text me with your name and the Wednesday Session you’re booking for. Once I’ve received your payment, I can send you the link for the webinar.
Caroline 07970213397
Attendees (4)
Simply Self Aware Going Online
Great news. Simply Self Aware is going online for the time being. Starting from Wednesday April 1st anyone, anywhere will be able to access the sessions. (Who said nothing good is happening right now?)
This Wednesdays topic: Let’s Talk Tools!
Go over to my page on Meetup.com for more details. See you soon.
Check out Simply Self Aware on Meetup
Great news. Simply Self Aware is going online for the time being. Starting from Wednesday April 1st anyone, anywhere will be able to access the sessions. (Who said nothing good is happening right now?)
This Wednesdays topic: Let’s Talk Tools!
Go over to my page on Meetup.com for more details. See you soon.
Check out Simply Self Aware on Meetup
Simply Self Aware Meet Up
A new decade has begun. And after a successful 2019, our Simply Self Aware MeetUp group has got off to a great start. Our first session was a review of 2019 and a plan for the coming year.
On January 22nd we are delighted to welcome Bobby Sura from the Solihull Well Being Clinic when he will be talking about ‘Attachment: the seeds of self development’.
Simply Self Aware is a small discussion group, facilitated by Caroline, where like-minded members can share positive ideas and experiences in a friendly, relaxed and peaceful setting. Apart from Self Awareness itself, topics to date have included: Self Acceptance, Forgiveness of Self and Others and My Self in the World.
We meet fortnightly on a Wednesday evening 7.00 - 8.30 pm at Hall Green Meeting House, 1 Hamlet Road Birmingham B28 9BG. Ample parking.
Refreshments included. Pay what you feel you can afford but £7.50 min.
A new decade has begun. And after a successful 2019, our Simply Self Aware MeetUp group has got off to a great start. Our first session was a review of 2019 and a plan for the coming year.
On January 22nd we are delighted to welcome Bobby Sura from the Solihull Well Being Clinic when he will be talking about ‘Attachment: the seeds of self development’.
Simply Self Aware is a small discussion group, facilitated by Caroline, where like-minded members can share positive ideas and experiences in a friendly, relaxed and peaceful setting. Apart from Self Awareness itself, topics to date have included: Self Acceptance, Forgiveness of Self and Others and My Self in the World.
We meet fortnightly on a Wednesday evening 7.00 - 8.30 pm at Hall Green Meeting House, 1 Hamlet Road Birmingham B28 9BG. Ample parking.
Refreshments included. Pay what you feel you can afford but £7.50 min.
